And then the fight started

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive....
so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started....

*************************************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized
I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

***************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked,'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

****************************************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the
other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then
which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

The precarious elephant

n 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating fromNorthwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing withone leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approachedit very carefully.He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a largepiece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could,Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephantgingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with arather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually theelephant trumpeted lou dly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot thatelephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenagedson. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned andwalked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The largebull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then putit down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted lou dly, all thewhile staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railingand made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant andstared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk aroundone of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing himinstantly.Probably wasn't the same elephant

Colored People

"I love people of all color; wanted to share this example of how
ridiculous racism is!" Much love to all.....free4ever

This was written by a black gentleman in Texas...

When I was born, I was BLACK,

When I grew up, I was BLACK ,

When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,

When I got cold, I was BLACK ,

When I was scared, I was BLACK ,

When I was sick, I was BLACK ,

And when I die, I'll still be BLACK .

NOW, You "white" folks....

When you're born, you're PINK,

When you grow-up, you're WHITE ,

When you go in the sun, you get RED,

When you're cold, you turn BLUE,

When you're scared, you're YELLOW,

When you get sick, you're GREEN,

When you bruise, you turn PURPLE ,

And when you die, you look GRAY.

So who y'all callin'

C O L O R E D folks?